Warning: Mature Content

In my experience, I have begun to identify trends in how I am able to know that God is telling me something. In every instance in the past there is one commonality - peace. So Alex and I were somewhat saddened when we realized that we have both started to get a feeling for something, and in an odd, sad way - we have peace about it.

Alex and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year and a half now. It has been one of the most challenging and emotionally draining experiences of my life. It has also fed a considerable amount of growth in my walk with God and in our marriage. So that's good. In November we both underwent fertility testing and learned that we were most definitely struggling from primary infertility due to male factor infertility. Alex's boys were not healthy. The good news was that his situation is pretty much the most correctable - as male infertility goes. In January he had surgery to correct the problem. So we have been waiting since then to either get pregnant or to let a sufficient amount of time pass to redo his tests. (sidenote - it takes 72 days to 'recycle' the supply of sperm)

So this week, Alex had his tests done and next Friday we will see the urologist to look at the results.

Yesterday in my quiet time, I just really felt God putting on my heart that the results were only going to go one of two ways: either so much improvement that the MD would say there is no way we can't get pregnant on our own; or that there has just not been sufficient improvement to get pregnant on our own. The middle ground being - let's be conservative and see if it happens in the next couple of months. When I discussed this with Alex he said that he thinks that the results aren't going to be positive.

So please pray for us. Back in November when we learned about our infertility we had long conversations about how far we would tread into assistive reproductive therapies and we have made firm decisions in that area. I feel that God is preparing my heart to go down this road.

We have learned a lot from our more charismatic friends about prayer. They pray different than baptists - they pray with full expectations of miracles. So we will not stop that - but thankfully God is such a caring God that he does prepare us for the roads we head down.