Yesterday was Alex's birthday. overall it was a really nice day. The teachers at the school had a cake for him as a surprise and had called me several days ago so that I could be there to surprise him. He was, in fact, surprised and the teachers had a lot of fun. I stayed there for a while and then we both left to go home. We watched part of a movie and then went to dinner w/ his parents at an argentinian steak place.
It was all good, we at lot of meat that was paraded in front of us, we had good conversation. And then in the parking lot, we talked about politics with his parents. That's where the problems started. Overall, I think that I was fine in the conversation. Back in our car Alex thought I was too sensitive (as he says is typical when politics is discussed). I disagreed, and I just took it so personally. We argued, I believe that what I FELT about what he said to me was accurate but I am completely lacking in how to argue appropriately. I am sure that I blew it out of proportion. We got over the argument when we got home, but the night was really tainted.
So this morning, I just felt like crap for having a stupid argument on this birthday. I was reminded of a verse in Romans 7:19 - For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
We don't argue very often, but when we do it may go something like this - I get upset for something he says to me, I blame him for attacking me, I blow it out of proportion, I accuse him of being the one who is really blowing it out of proportion. Alex is a sensitive person, too, so sometimes the tables are turned (my own self-defense).
But why do I do that?
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Ahh sweetie... we all do that. Just today (rather, lately) I got (really, felt--I internalized it) a bit "testy" with Carl because he didn't want to go to the grocery store with me after work. It wasn't that he didn't WANT to go, it was that he is on a very short deadline for his thesis--we're down to a matter of weeks now, and he really needs to focus all of his time on writing. So, I was really bummed... upset feeling, and basically shut out... I wanted to get off the phone as quickly as possible. He did end up changing his mind and went with me, but it wasn't long before God reminded me of priorities and where Carl's affection lies. My issues stem from insecurities, and it's something I have to work on. Most, if not all, of our "spats" come from me being overly sensitive. Especially in end-of-semester, thesis due NOW times... I feel left out. But, it's okay... I just have to remember to watch my thoughts. Bottom line, we're all too sensitive... maybe not all of the time, but doesn't it just appear that way in all the "right light" and at the most fabulous times?
Hope this makes sense... just wrote out my thoughts. I love you!!
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